Personal growth can be painful, because it makes us ashamed and humiliated to face our own darkness. But the goal of personal growth is the journey out of dark emotional patterns that cause us pain, to those that create peace.” Marianne Williamson A Return to Love“So why did he dump you?” The words pierced my soul as I struggled for an answer. Of all people, my blacksmith had to unexpectedly and rudely pose this question to me while he was trimming my horse’s hooves. Trying to maintain composure, I kissed my horse on the nose and answered “That’s not a good topic right now. And who said he dumped me?” The man that I had been dating used the same blacksmith and apparently he knew something of which I had not been made totally aware. Here I was, standing in my safe space, my sanctuary - my barn - and a grumpy, gossiping old man with a stogie hanging out of his mouth informed me that I had been dumped.  Delighting in being more knowledgeable about my relationship than I, my blacksmith dug the proverbial rasp in deeper, and said, “You had to know that he was cheap. He doesn’t want to spend any money on anybody.” In an effort to regain some control of the conversation, I promptly retorted, “You could have told me that a year ago,” I continued holding my horse and attempted to change the direction of the discussion. Subsequently, I found out that my blacksmith had been sharing the story of my alleged “break-up” and disclosing other personal details of my relationship that I did not know, with several of his customers. Nothing like a plate of hurt served up with a side dish of humiliation! Needless to say, I promptly located a new blacksmith!Okay, shake-ups and break-ups, protection and rejection are all part of the equation of relationships.  You add, subtract, multiply and maybe even divide until you reach the right answer.  Navigating romantic or intimate interactions can become more complicated however, when you interject professional and financial situations into the dating equation. Of course there was a certain level of personal pain in this transformation of the relationship. This man had been a significant part of my life for a year and we shared a considerable amount of personal time and attention. However, he had also been substantially time and energy consuming as a client.  My time, energy and expertise are the tools that I use to make a living and support myself and my family. I had trusted that as he engaged my services, he would reciprocate with his own.  At this juncture, a man that I had given the gift of my trust chose to abuse that gift.  There was no compensation, little reciprocation and no appreciation – not even the wisp of a  “thank you.”  Where did I go wrong?  What should I have done differently? If I had assessed and then reassessed my actions using the PowerShifts, my outcome may have been different. From the moment I began handling his legal matters, the first question should have been “How does this serve my purpose?”  Then, a simple prayer “Dear God, before I get in my own way again, show me…”  Divine Direction? The direction was given; I chose to overlook the obvious. This individual was a veterinarian and I thought that he would handle the care of my animals with the same concern, compassion and professionalism with which I had undertaken his legal matters. My words tried to affirm my thoughts, but my “thoughts” could not change his actions or the lack thereof.  The first time I asked for his professional services I had already expended a generous amount of time on his legal issues and I simply requested that he give my horses their spring shots. After all of his excuses and stalling, the horses were finally vaccinated two and a half months overdue. At that moment in time, I should have reevaluated the situation and clearly communicated and given him the option to provide me with veterinarian services or, in the alternative, compensate me for mine. I kept quiet, however, because I did not want to rock the personal boat and I gave him the benefit of the doubt that this was an isolated incident. Subsequent requests for care of my animals received similar responses, if any at all.  Ultimately, when I did make my feelings known it not only rocked the boat, it torpedoed it. This man was not disenfranchised, disadvantaged, destitute or deprived. He was paying other attorneys for work outside my areas of practice. My work - my Time and Focus - deserved to be compensated, as well. Okay, so if you read the book, from the PowerShift Perspective he can be described as a parasite when it comes to professional services and money. This is not meant to be a judgmental statement. He is on his own developmental path with his own lessons to learn. The definition of his behavior does apply to the manner in which he personally related to me as a professional. And as he is responsible for his lessons and behavior as I am responsible for my own. The PowerShift of Forgiveness becomes important at this point - forgiving myself for not defining my value as a professional, to him and to me. And,  I am also expressing the PowerShift of Gratitude - I am Grateful for the lesson that I have re-learned – I have worth as a person and I have worth as a professional. To  give of myself in a personal intimate relationship is to give of my love. My gift does not include exhausting my professional resources to my financial detriment.

I am in the process of writing my second book which will discuss the PowerShifts and how they work with financial challenges. Over the next few weeks, I will be blogging about the inner financial issues and will share stories and strategies. Your comments and questions are welcome.

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